My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
