weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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