i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
