The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
