I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
