I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
