Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
