Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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