There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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