Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
