You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
