while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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