I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
