Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
