The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
