you will always have a special place in my vag
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
