It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
