so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He shit in the fireplace
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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