sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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