Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
