Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
