i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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