I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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