Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
