I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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