I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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