I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
