Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
