I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
