how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
