Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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