bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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