all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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