Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
