the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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