True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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