who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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