I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You made out with two different species that night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
