took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
