this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
