Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
