I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
