"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
