hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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