Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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