If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
