I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
