What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
