I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
