I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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