another moral hangover. fuck.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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