you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
