They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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