Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just found a bag of teeth...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
