My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
